What do we want for our children?
We want them to be well-adjusted, happy, carefree, intelligent, smart, funny, curious, studious, playful and respectful, among other things. Basically if we had a good childhood we want them to have what we had. If our childhood was not perfect at all, maybe even the opposite, we want our children to have a better one than ours.
What is your child’s reality?
Now here is our child and s/he is not turning out the way we had imagined. The child is not well-adjusted, s/he is sad, angry, confused, etc. Your relationship is difficult, as if walking on eggshells all of the time. Not knowing what will set him/her off. Questioning your every move or decision you make as a parent.
How can we reverse this trend?
Our expectations, projections and unfulfilled dreams are present in our children. Every thought and feeling, even the hidden ones are sensed by them. As a parent, we give whatever we have freely to our children, our love, attention, time, gifts, etc.
But the child has nothing to give in return – except unconditional love. So this love goes so far as the child wanting to sacrifice him/her-self in order to please the parents. Often this “blind love” leads to inappropriate behavior. What the child is trying to say through these actions is: “I am doing it for you.”
For instance, when parents quarrel, frequently children get sick. They have learned early on that when they are ill, their parents stop their arguments in order to pay attention to the child. This is an example of blind love.
To reverse this trend, we need to find ways to see the child for what her/she is and discover the intentions behind their actions. At the same time, we as parents need to fulfill our own needs and make sure our children can be carefree and not burdened with our projections and unfulfilled desires.