Family issues:
Family issues are a combination of the individual member issues of the family. Each member brings with them their own set of problems. When examining a family, we first sort out who brings what issue. This is done by looking at the family of origin and the existing patterns. We are attracted to another person in the first place because we recognize similar traits in each other; positive and negative traits. Sorting out these traits creates a healthy breathing space and disentangles each individual and stop the projections of blame and shame.
How is our family life?
Craziness, chaos, the kids are crying, the partner screaming, we are late getting out the door. Everyday a new issue seems to be surfacing. The school calls for meetings, the kids get sick almost every month. Homework is getting more difficult to get done. TV has become the only time when there is some peace in the house, except when it comes to choosing the program and fighting over the remote. The family unit seems to be drifting further and further apart with arguments over parenting styles and getting everyone’s needs met.
How do we get cooperation?
Family dynamics grow over time and often settle into unwanted standards that need careful examinations – – like peeling back the layers of an onion. Where did it all start? Even with good intentions we slip into modes that are not sustainable and healthy for a family. How do we turn these good intentions into positive actions and outcomes? Are you still on track with what the original intentions were and if your method did not bring the result you wanted did you try something else? Often our own upbringing does not help either, because sub-standard parenting repeats itself. Looking at these patterns brings clarity and opens the mind to new and successful solutions. Every member of a family wants to have fun and do the right thing, we just go about it in different ways. Synergy, common goals and cooperation become the aim of the process.
Children’s Issues
What do we want for our children?
We want them to be well-adjusted, happy, carefree, intelligent, smart, funny, curious, studious, playful and respectful, among other things. Basically if we had a good childhood we want them to have what we had. If our childhood was not perfect at all, maybe even the opposite, we want our children to have a better one than ours.
What is your child’s reality?
Now here is our child and s/he is not turning out the way we had imagined. The child is not well-adjusted, s/he is sad, angry, confused, etc. Your relationship is difficult, as if walking on eggshells all of the time. Not knowing what will set him/her off. Questioning your every move or decision you make as a parent.
How can we reverse this trend?
Our expectations, projections and unfulfilled dreams are present in our children. Every thought and feeling, even the hidden ones are sensed by them. As a parent, we give whatever we have freely to our children, our love, attention, time, gifts, etc.
But the child has nothing to give in return – except unconditional love. So this love goes so far as the child wanting to sacrifice him/her-self in order to please the parents. Often this “blind love” leads to inappropriate behavior. What the child is trying to say through these actions is: “I am doing it for you.”
For instance, when parents quarrel, frequently children get sick. They have learned early on that when they are ill, their parents stop their arguments in order to pay attention to the child. This is an example of blind love.
To reverse this trend, we need to find ways to see the child for what her/she is and discover the intentions behind their actions. At the same time, we as parents need to fulfill our own needs and make sure our children can be carefree and not burdened with our projections and unfulfilled desires.Click edit button to change this text. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Ut elit tellus, luctus nec ullamcorper mattis, pulvinar dapibus leo.Family issues are a combination